cold

For the 3rd day in a row now it's completely freezing. Sunday's +1 temperature feels like lightyears away. I hate that it's -43 and even the fog is freezing. You go outside and it's hard to breathe it's so thick.

My van won't start. We don't have anywhere super important to go today. Storytime at the library will be greatly missed, but otherwise we'll just hunker down on the couch with a blanket and watch movies or something for a bit.

I talked to Steve briefly this morning. And I think of him when it's this cold having to line up outside in the cold at 5:30 every morning. Sucks to be him. In comparison the 7:17 am wake up this morning seems like such luxury.

I feel really blah right now. Hope it warms up so I can make it to S'toon this weekend to the MIL's. Can you believe I just said that? I'm hoping to go to my MIL's!

That's so depressing it's come to that...

ugh.

I hate the cold.

sleep

After a surprise trip this last weekend I can officially say I'm all "drived" out. 3 trips to Regina in 4 weeks and I think I'll stay put for awhile.

But this last one was well worth the tiresome driving. I got to sleep with my husband for 2 nights in a row. I loved it.

Oh, and I got to see Rambo. What can I say? Pretty awesome for a 61 year old!

ugh

whoever said time would eventually fly by was full of poop.

ugh.

It's okay when you have things to look forward to. Something in the distance that helps pull you thru the long tiresome days. And then you do this "special" thing and you have a great time and you feel energized and rejuvenated again. Yes! I can get thru the next 3.5 months!

But then you have a crappy night with the baby (and I was thinking about the possibility of adding to our brood sooner than I thought, but after last night and this morning when she's STILL crying...all I can think is "will someone PLEASE shut that kid up!"...and I realize, no, I'm not ready for another addition.) and your kids take an hour to eat breakfast and you're tired and grumpy and feel like a bah-humbug mom and the minutes slowly begin to tick again and you dread the entirety of the day and the coming weeks.

Something exciting please happen.

So I'm checking the accounts and in my head planning another escape from my life, where maybe I can see Rambo with a loved one, even tho' I don't like Rambo...at least I'd be with a loved one and I can have a few more days of "freedom" until I have to come back to my life and live it, alone, once again.

We, spouses, should really receive an award for doing this.

is it bad?

Is it bad when you can't remember the words to common old lullabies and nursery rhymes but you can sing almost every Disney song that came out in the last 20 years?

Is it bad when your kids are dancing and they look like they're having seizures?

Is it bad when the rental van you've been driving makes "screaming" noises in protest when you spin the rear tires? (I kid you not)

Is it bad when you spend more time on facebook looking for something to do then writing real letters to your Grandparents who don't have internet? (that one is bad and I wrote letters to them today)

Is it bad when you can't get the smell of kiddy poop off your hands?

Is it bad when your boy just shows you his legs and he's got bruises all over the place and you honestly have no idea where they came from?

boy trouble

Okay so this morning at Mom's I go to pick up Matthias when the worker comes over and says "are you Matthias' Mom?"
"Yes" I sigh, fully expecting that he's been fighting again.
"Uh, have you noticed he's been playing with himself alot lately?" Whoa! Did not expect that! "Yes, it's something he just does." I say, trying to keep it cool and low key.
"Oh, have you had it checked? 'Cos the "boy thing" starts later, you might want to get it checked."

Hmm...no I haven't had it checked. Should I? Really? (and no, I'm not being sarcastic)

And so this is where it becomes really interactive. I know many of you have boys. Is this really something I should be worried about? Or does he just need a good bath? I'm kinda nervous now.

So please, let me know what you think.

small

The other night I was putting Keziah to sleep and I was holding her in my arms and rocking her. She felt so small. I loved the feeling of her against my chest and on my arm.

And I just rocked and closed my eyes.

It was nice.

I don't do that as often as I should.

Resolution #1.

bored stiff

I'm a little bothered lately. I can almost see myself wearing a housecoat, curlers in my hair...no wait! Better yet, severe bed head rat's nest hair, fuzzy socks on my feet, trudging around my house. Dishes piled sky high in the sink. Keziah has long discarded her diaper and is scooting around in her birthday suit. Matt and Cal are picking their noses and scratching themselves 'cos they haven't bathed in days, there's a gazillion messages on the phone wondering why we haven't left our house in weeks....


...and it's all because of the internet.

You see I've become addicted to certain resources vital to life as I now know it. I log on and check for new messages. Log off. Run upstairs to check on the kids. Come back down and log on again. Log off, run upstairs to give Kez a bottle, run back downstairs and log on.

And it's not that I don't have anything to do. That's totally not the case. It seems the exact opposite, the more I neglect to work, the more things I notice that need doing. I just don't want to do them.

Ever seen that movie Office Space?

Today I'm just not going to work. And Jenn Anniston's character is like, "so you're going to quit?" and Ron's character is like, "no. I'm just not going to go in today."

That's how I feel.

So if you happen to see me online, ask if I've fed the kids today? Or started painting the kitchen? Or cleaned the fridge? Or fed the dog? And if not I give you complete permission to come on over and kick my

romantic

I'm beginning to think it's more of a curse to be a hopeless romantic when your spouse wouldn't know romance if it hit him square in the nose.

Lately I've been picking up on small things that I find completely romantic.

The latest being a line from a song that's on my list of new favourites. It's called Hard Sun by Eddie Vedder from the movie Into the Wild (another gooder that didn't come to PA...we get so gypped).

The first verse is what gets me...

When i walk beside her
i am the better man
when i look to leave her
i always stagger back again

sigh...

I think I'm just PMS-ing.

Leaving

As per usual, I received a book for Christmas this year. This was one I'd actually asked for so I look forward to reading it. A few months back a friend of mine had brought her copy to a small group meeting and read something that I really enjoyed. This is part of what it said...

And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children in a play. My hope is your story will be about changing, about getting something beautiful born inside of you, about learning to love a woman or a man, about learning to love a child, about moving yourself around water, around mountains, around friends, about learning to love others more than we love ourselves, about learning oneness as a way of understanding God. We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it?
It might be time for you to go. It might be time to change, to shine out.
I want to repeat one word for you.
Leave.
Roll the word around on your tongue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn't it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don't worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed.
Through Painted Deserts - Donald Miller

Leave. Sometimes it is a good thing to leave. Sometimes I wish I could just leave, but then common sense or worldly restraints kick in and I sit back down and wait.

And wait.

Until the opportunity arrives or the yearning kicks in again.

However I'm not ready to leave this place yet. :)

alone. again.

i thought this was supposed to get easier.

Christmas 2007

Steve got home late on the 21. That was awesome. We sat on the couch, drank a quick drink and talked for a few hours. It felt so good to go to bed minus a layer of clothing (and no, I don't mean naked... I sleep with 2 shirts and pants when he's gone) and with only 1 comforter on the bed. Saturday, unfortunately, I felt was kind of a disappointment. We were supposed to go on our annual Christmas tree hunt, but due to sleeping husbands and kids, we never got around to it. And by the time we actually got our butts in gear, trees were sold out everywhere we looked. Sunday was good. Beautiful sunny day, great visits at church (and good singing during the carol service!!) and we were able to go on our tree hunt and find a tree within 30 minutes of walking in the forest. It was a really great day. We spent the rest of the day decorating our wonderful tree, ordering pizza (a Reid tradition 3 years running) and watching Christmas classics like Garfield Christmas, Flinstone Christmas, Frosty the Snowman and of course The Grinch. Monday we did some grocery shopping for turkeys and cheese balls then went tobogganing out at the Lil' Red. I can't believe how much my kids have changed in a year. Last year Callah couldn't walk up the hill if we tied a rope to her and helped her up, nor would they (Matthias or Callah) go down by themselves. This year Callah walked up every time by herself and she would take a running head start on the slide and slide down by herself! I couldn't believe some of the "dives" she was doing! She is so like her dad! What a little daredevil. The best part was Keziah slept the whole time, it was great! We finished the night with the candle light service at the church, came home ate some cheese ball and popcorn and watched Deck the Halls.

One of my highlights was waking up Christmas morning to the sound of Matthias and Callah opening their stockings. What a delight!
"Callah look!" "That's so cool!" "This is my favourite!!" "Oh yeah!!" Followed by giggles and various degrees of amused laughter. It was awesome.

Now this is my little rant for the week. This year presents weren't that important to me. I wouldn't have cared if I didn't get anyting. Really, I honestly mean that. All I wanted was a tree, some lights and Steve home. But for whatever reason I received some gifts that I can only guess were given simply to give something. Cookie sheets and an EZWrap 3000. I know, I know try to contain your jealousy. You all wish that you too could get an EZWrap for Christmas, right?? And that's what bothers me, don't bother getting me something that I don't need or want, I'd rather you get me nothing at all, or if you feel that you really must get me something give me $ or a gift certificate for a place that you know I shop (key word there: know). I really don't mean to sound ungrateful, and I know I come across that way, but cookie sheets and EZWrap just don't make me feel a giddy and excited inside. I'm sorry, but they don't.

So that bummed me out for a few hours yesterday, but nothing Captain Morgan and some cheezies couldn't help. Turkey was good, dessert was good, the evening ended well with John McClane stopping by for a visit.

And now he's gone. He's actually been gone for over an hour. We did some quick shopping this morning. He had to pick some stuff up before heading back and there was some boxing day stuff that I thought would be handy. We loaded up Gus' new dog house and his new bag with wheels. For awhile I felt like crawling under a blanket and crying, but then I reminded myself that I need to be strong. It's only for a few days and we'll see him again for a bit around New Years. The next 4 months should fly by. Here's praying anyway.

So that was our Christmas. I hope you all had a good one and wish you all the best in the new year to come!

music

For years I've been a huge music fan. I use music to express how I'm feeling. Back in highschool in my "darker" days there was alot of Pearl Jam, Tea Party and The Cult. Now I'm listening to Hairspray. Quite the difference.

Now that's it's close to Christmas I'm thinking Mariah Carey.

A while back, on a trip to S'toon with a van full of Mom's, we got to talking about worship music. How it moves some of us, and moves others in the wrong way. I have nothing against worship music, it's just not my thing. I can get completely emotional over a P.O.D. or Toby Mac song. Third Day continually moves me and makes me feel like such a schmuck, but in a goodway. When Steve and I got married our wedding song was Love Song by Third Day. I really like how they write songs from God's perspective. Something different.

Now that Steve's away I listen to a bunch of songs differently. Everytime I hear Gerry Raferty I cry. Actually there's alot of songs that make me cry. When I was pregnant with Callah, Meatloaf used to make me cry.

Anyway, I need some more sinus cold medication and I'll bet my clean socks that Keziah is eating something she shouldn't.

Until next time...Merry Christmas!

spider eggs

I've recently obtained a twitch under my left eye. Sure I could say it's from stress or lack of sleep, but I prefer to take a creative approach and believe that some alien spiders crawled into my ear one night while I was asleep. They made their way into the ear canal and then ate their way into my eye cavity...just under my left eye! The twitching is simply what happens when their eggs hatch. So now I have thousands of little spiders crawling around inside my head.

That could explain alot.

the wrath of Lisa

I hate drivers. I hate PA drivers. I hate people who can't drive on snowy streets and don't pay attention to their driving.

Alright, I was just hit by another car. I'm pissed. I'm really really mad. I don't need this right now. I had the two girls in the van with me. A few second later and she could've pegged off Keziah. I was fuming mad. Believe it or not I've calmed down a bit now that I've made my claim, but I'm still ticked off. I just wanted to yell, "LADY LOOK!!" Just a moment of "fogginess" and look where we are...I can't open my driver's door b'cos of a stupid little dent that you made in my van. The only happiness thought that I get from all of this (sadly) is that there's more damage to her car than there is my van. So thank you very much for ruining what had hope of being a perfectly enjoyable Saturday!!

amazing

"Mommy, mommy!"
"Yes Callah."
"Mommy, I go 'achoo' and my cereal comes out of my mouth!"
"Ewww..."

And then she laughs devilishly.

taking a break

I'm on a break from writing Christmas cards altho' I haven't actually started tonite's installment, so I guess you could just say I'm prolonging the start...or something.

Today is actually the first day that I haven't had to make "choices" (to put it ever so nicely), and I'm liking that fact. I feel good. It could also have something to do with the 10 lbs I've lost in the past month or so. Yeah for me. I knew that personal trainer was an awesome idea.

Tomorrow is the final Mom's this year. That means its potluck time. I'm going to make what I usually make, only without the chocolate chips 'cos I thought I had them only upon checking, they were all gone. I'll blame it on Steve 'cos he's not here so I can. I'm sure it will still be delicious. Want to know what I'm making? Come see for yourself! 9:30 am Alliance Church.

Then shock of all shocks...I'm willingly going to the MIL's for a day. To be honest I thought it would be easier than having her come here and see all our "sinful" living again. At her place all the "sinful" worldly temptations don't exist, so we can just get along better. There...how's that for the seasonal warm "fuzzies".

Anyway, what I really wanted to write about was Hairspray. I know, why on earth am I writing about that? Well who would have thought that going to a simple movie with Dixie, months ago, could change my life like this? It's amazing. I just have to dance. I LOVE listening to it. I love to listen to it and dance. I must look like a complete goof in the window, but I don't care!

That's really all I wanted to say. Now I'll go back to my cards.

sick

There's nothing like being sick to make you feel like a little girl again. Scared and alone. It's amazing what a kind thought or gesture can do. How a simple heartfelt hug can drive away all the black and make a world of difference.

snoring dogs

Growing up I always had a dog. Our 4th dog was a mix between a boxer, german shephard and dalmation. She was the tamest, best behaved dog ever and a true delight for the years we had her. I don't remember how it happened (maybe the warmth...I'm a sucker for warmth) but she always used to sleep on my bed. Growing up I had a twin bed so there wasn't always alot of room (for 5'10" me and my 75 lbs dog), but somehow we managed. The only complaint I would have of those years was she snored. She snored like there was no tomorrow (I suppose now in hind-sight God was preparing me for Steve!) and what brought all this up in my mind was that last night, Keziah was snoring and she sounded exactly like this dog. It was amazing! You know how some smells make you remember certain memories? Well for me, last night, it was the snoring. So thank you Keziah for making me remember and feeling all cozy and warm inside! :)

bussing

Ok. We all know it's freezing outside. I hate waiting in the cold at the best of times, but when you're out there waiting with your kid, who meekly says, "I'm cold." underneath all their layers of ski wear and clothing, it can be a bit much. You look at your watch, 8:21. Alright, going on 10 minutes late. "Let's go inside and wait." Of course as soon as you get inside, you see the headlights of the bus coming down the street. "Quick...RUN!" You round the corner of your house just intime to see the bus drive right past your house. 'WAIT!!' you think in your mind, too amazed to believe how crappy this morning is going so far, to actually voice some sort of defeat. Thankfully the bus slows down a few houses over and starts backing up. The kid and you run over and ask, "This is going to...?" The bus driver says, "yes, the other bus broke down again." You breathe a sigh of relief and get the boy safely onboard.

Monday.

I think the world would be a better place without Mondays.

real life

You know in movies when the woman is waiting for her man to appear after a long time away. She's sitting, forlorn. Then suddenly with the setting sun behind him, he appears over the hill. She jumps to her feet. He suddenly stops, taking in her refreshing beauty. They start running towards one another, smiling. Arms outstretched. She jumps into his arms and they kiss passionately. The world complete and still at that moment.

Yeah well. In the real world, the sun was setting. And the comparisons end there.

My stomache was flopping all afternoon. I was so excited. 4:24 and I'm in the van driving to see him for the first time in 3 weeks. I get there and wait. Tick tick tick. Suddenly there he is. Looking so fine in his blue uniform. We hug, then he pulls away and says, "oh yeah, we can't do this here." I take a few pictures. He tells me all the things he has to do before we pick him up again at 7:30, and then we leave. Going our separate ways once again. For a few hours more anyway.

Sigh.

How romantic...

I guess that's life.