Wednesday, February 07, 2007


Monday I went for another check-up to see if the baby had turned. It had. I was hoping that was all they would do, check the position of the baby, but no, I had to get the whole "experience" done once again (weighing, doppler and measuring). At the time I thought it was quite comical, the whole weighing thing, as I am 2 lbs short of being the biggest I've ever been (this is where the congratulations comes in?). You know I thought it would be funny to invent a card for pregnant mother's...Congratulations on being the biggest you've ever been! But that (sick) humour quickly faded and came to a sobbing hault last night, lying in bed. I felt repulsively huge. Definately not funny anymore.

I think tho' one of the things that's annoying me lately is myself. I'm getting jealous and angry at people who seem to have it all together. Seem so perfect. And I know that's just so wrong.

Last night I apologized to Steve for not being a trophy wife. For not being some pretty, little, "perfect" wife. I apologized for being a butch (big boned...yeah whatever....) and he said that's one of the reasons he married me, 'cos I AM a hard worker and not some trophy there to look pretty. I think that was a good thing, at least I know it was intended as a good thing.

And now I just feel miserable. A friend of mine loves being pregnant and loves to show it off (the fact that she is pregnant) and I guess I'm just annoyed 'cos I don't look like that, never will look like that and I don't have her confidence to show it off like that (even if I did). And so sometimes when I'm around her I feel like a large freak of nature. But what can I do to get around that? Avoid her? I honestly do enjoy her friendship, and like I said, I know it's just me 'cos I'm annoyed with other people too. So definately, I'm the problem here.

Argh...females are so complicated. Pregnancy sucks. And emotions can be so nasty.

I hate this moment right now.