Wednesday, January 30, 2008


For the 3rd day in a row now it's completely freezing. Sunday's +1 temperature feels like lightyears away. I hate that it's -43 and even the fog is freezing. You go outside and it's hard to breathe it's so thick.

My van won't start. We don't have anywhere super important to go today. Storytime at the library will be greatly missed, but otherwise we'll just hunker down on the couch with a blanket and watch movies or something for a bit.

I talked to Steve briefly this morning. And I think of him when it's this cold having to line up outside in the cold at 5:30 every morning. Sucks to be him. In comparison the 7:17 am wake up this morning seems like such luxury.

I feel really blah right now. Hope it warms up so I can make it to S'toon this weekend to the MIL's. Can you believe I just said that? I'm hoping to go to my MIL's!

That's so depressing it's come to that...


I hate the cold.

Sunday, January 27, 2008


After a surprise trip this last weekend I can officially say I'm all "drived" out. 3 trips to Regina in 4 weeks and I think I'll stay put for awhile.

But this last one was well worth the tiresome driving. I got to sleep with my husband for 2 nights in a row. I loved it.

Oh, and I got to see Rambo. What can I say? Pretty awesome for a 61 year old!

Thursday, January 24, 2008


whoever said time would eventually fly by was full of poop.


It's okay when you have things to look forward to. Something in the distance that helps pull you thru the long tiresome days. And then you do this "special" thing and you have a great time and you feel energized and rejuvenated again. Yes! I can get thru the next 3.5 months!

But then you have a crappy night with the baby (and I was thinking about the possibility of adding to our brood sooner than I thought, but after last night and this morning when she's STILL crying...all I can think is "will someone PLEASE shut that kid up!"...and I realize, no, I'm not ready for another addition.) and your kids take an hour to eat breakfast and you're tired and grumpy and feel like a bah-humbug mom and the minutes slowly begin to tick again and you dread the entirety of the day and the coming weeks.

Something exciting please happen.

So I'm checking the accounts and in my head planning another escape from my life, where maybe I can see Rambo with a loved one, even tho' I don't like least I'd be with a loved one and I can have a few more days of "freedom" until I have to come back to my life and live it, alone, once again.

We, spouses, should really receive an award for doing this.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

is it bad?

Is it bad when you can't remember the words to common old lullabies and nursery rhymes but you can sing almost every Disney song that came out in the last 20 years?

Is it bad when your kids are dancing and they look like they're having seizures?

Is it bad when the rental van you've been driving makes "screaming" noises in protest when you spin the rear tires? (I kid you not)

Is it bad when you spend more time on facebook looking for something to do then writing real letters to your Grandparents who don't have internet? (that one is bad and I wrote letters to them today)

Is it bad when you can't get the smell of kiddy poop off your hands?

Is it bad when your boy just shows you his legs and he's got bruises all over the place and you honestly have no idea where they came from?

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

boy trouble

Okay so this morning at Mom's I go to pick up Matthias when the worker comes over and says "are you Matthias' Mom?"
"Yes" I sigh, fully expecting that he's been fighting again.
"Uh, have you noticed he's been playing with himself alot lately?" Whoa! Did not expect that! "Yes, it's something he just does." I say, trying to keep it cool and low key.
"Oh, have you had it checked? 'Cos the "boy thing" starts later, you might want to get it checked." I haven't had it checked. Should I? Really? (and no, I'm not being sarcastic)

And so this is where it becomes really interactive. I know many of you have boys. Is this really something I should be worried about? Or does he just need a good bath? I'm kinda nervous now.

So please, let me know what you think.

Friday, January 11, 2008


The other night I was putting Keziah to sleep and I was holding her in my arms and rocking her. She felt so small. I loved the feeling of her against my chest and on my arm.

And I just rocked and closed my eyes.

It was nice.

I don't do that as often as I should.

Resolution #1.

Monday, January 07, 2008

bored stiff

I'm a little bothered lately. I can almost see myself wearing a housecoat, curlers in my wait! Better yet, severe bed head rat's nest hair, fuzzy socks on my feet, trudging around my house. Dishes piled sky high in the sink. Keziah has long discarded her diaper and is scooting around in her birthday suit. Matt and Cal are picking their noses and scratching themselves 'cos they haven't bathed in days, there's a gazillion messages on the phone wondering why we haven't left our house in weeks....

...and it's all because of the internet.

You see I've become addicted to certain resources vital to life as I now know it. I log on and check for new messages. Log off. Run upstairs to check on the kids. Come back down and log on again. Log off, run upstairs to give Kez a bottle, run back downstairs and log on.

And it's not that I don't have anything to do. That's totally not the case. It seems the exact opposite, the more I neglect to work, the more things I notice that need doing. I just don't want to do them.

Ever seen that movie Office Space?

Today I'm just not going to work. And Jenn Anniston's character is like, "so you're going to quit?" and Ron's character is like, "no. I'm just not going to go in today."

That's how I feel.

So if you happen to see me online, ask if I've fed the kids today? Or started painting the kitchen? Or cleaned the fridge? Or fed the dog? And if not I give you complete permission to come on over and kick my


I'm beginning to think it's more of a curse to be a hopeless romantic when your spouse wouldn't know romance if it hit him square in the nose.

Lately I've been picking up on small things that I find completely romantic.

The latest being a line from a song that's on my list of new favourites. It's called Hard Sun by Eddie Vedder from the movie Into the Wild (another gooder that didn't come to PA...we get so gypped).

The first verse is what gets me...

When i walk beside her
i am the better man
when i look to leave her
i always stagger back again


I think I'm just PMS-ing.

Saturday, January 05, 2008


As per usual, I received a book for Christmas this year. This was one I'd actually asked for so I look forward to reading it. A few months back a friend of mine had brought her copy to a small group meeting and read something that I really enjoyed. This is part of what it said...

And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children in a play. My hope is your story will be about changing, about getting something beautiful born inside of you, about learning to love a woman or a man, about learning to love a child, about moving yourself around water, around mountains, around friends, about learning to love others more than we love ourselves, about learning oneness as a way of understanding God. We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it?
It might be time for you to go. It might be time to change, to shine out.
I want to repeat one word for you.
Roll the word around on your tongue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn't it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don't worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed.
Through Painted Deserts - Donald Miller

Leave. Sometimes it is a good thing to leave. Sometimes I wish I could just leave, but then common sense or worldly restraints kick in and I sit back down and wait.

And wait.

Until the opportunity arrives or the yearning kicks in again.

However I'm not ready to leave this place yet. :)

alone. again.

i thought this was supposed to get easier.