Friday, November 30, 2007

real life

You know in movies when the woman is waiting for her man to appear after a long time away. She's sitting, forlorn. Then suddenly with the setting sun behind him, he appears over the hill. She jumps to her feet. He suddenly stops, taking in her refreshing beauty. They start running towards one another, smiling. Arms outstretched. She jumps into his arms and they kiss passionately. The world complete and still at that moment.

Yeah well. In the real world, the sun was setting. And the comparisons end there.

My stomache was flopping all afternoon. I was so excited. 4:24 and I'm in the van driving to see him for the first time in 3 weeks. I get there and wait. Tick tick tick. Suddenly there he is. Looking so fine in his blue uniform. We hug, then he pulls away and says, "oh yeah, we can't do this here." I take a few pictures. He tells me all the things he has to do before we pick him up again at 7:30, and then we leave. Going our separate ways once again. For a few hours more anyway.

Sigh.

How romantic...

I guess that's life.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

My soul longs for the Lord
More than those who wait
for the morning
More than those who wait
for the morning.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

the evil brain

I forgot the best part of last night. When I got home from the interview I pulled Matthias aside and I asked him if he'd been wrestling at school. I could tell right away, by his face, that he had been. So after denying it the first time, I lowered my voice a little and asked again.
"Matthias, are you wrestling with boys at school in class?"
"I don't want to, but my brain makes me do it."
Trying to conceal a smile I ask,"You're brain tells you to wrestle."
"Yeah."
So I said what any good parent would say, "Well then buddy, next time your brain tells you to do that, you say 'no'. Don't listen to your brain."

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

my son, the pro wrestler

Tonite was my very first parent teacher interview. I was a little nervous walking in there. So nervous that I walked right into the classroom after the english parents and teacher and didn't even notice that M. Lambert was waiting for me in the hallway. Yes, I am new at this. We sat down at his desk. He asked where Steve was. I told him he's down in Regina and he got all excited. I think he was more excited than some of our own family members were. That was kind of cool and a little weird.

Then we got down to business. He asked if I had any questions or concerns. I asked, "is he beating up on anyone?"
"Well, he is a little aggressive, but we'll get to that a bit later."
Then I slammed my fists on the desk, stood up - knocking the chair over and yelled "I want to talk about it now mister!!"

ha ha...just kidding.

He then went on to tell me that Matthias is a great kid. He's very attentive and helps out alot. He tries everything, not just limiting himself to a certain "play" area. He spends alot of time on drawings and is very particular about colours (which teachers like to see I guess instead of the kid who rushes to finish) and infact, Matthias has a picture in the latest edition of the catholic school board newsletter! Atta boy!! But then he mentioned that if Matthias got too rough again, he'd be sent to the office. He's been warned and told that that's not appropriate behaviour for school (or anywhere...I know, I've been trying to tell him) and so one more "rough house" brawl and he'll be put away...in the office....for a time out.

Overall I'm totally proud of the kid. When we get this CSB newsletter I'm going to be the parent photocopying copies to all the grandparents (except Steve's 'cos it's a Hallowe'en drawing and it's in a catholic newsletter....2 wrongs don't make a right) and framing his piece of work for years to come. I'm so proud!

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

blah

I don't know what happened, or when today went wrong. It started out good, but somewhere around lunch time I just wanted to lay down and curl up in my blankets. I think winter is really going to suck this year. I need to keep busy and try to get out as much as possible.

Steve's EI hasn't been approved yet. That's kind of a worry. A small part of me hopes that it doesn't go thru and then I can move down to Regina. The selfish part that wants more time to do "me" things. Then there's the ultra feminine empowerment woman who thinks, thru hell or high water I WILL GET THRU THIS!

But like I said. Right now I just want to curl up under the blankets and hibernate till spring.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

snow

For whatever reason, my first instinct this morning when I saw all the snow, was to smile. I love it when there's huge snowflakes falling. But then of course, my common sense kicked in and I realized that I'd be the sole shoveler of all that snow and my smile fell away. I was kinda hoping the snow would stay away a bit longer. Just makes for a longer winter and white knuckles on the highway drives. Of course the kids were excited...in their minds all they see are the possible snowmen and snow mountains dying to be created. But can you blame them? Oh to be young and have no worries again.

And of course with all that snow one can't help but think about Christmas. Every year I write a letter covering highlights from the past year in our family. It's usually quite comical and something I look forward to doing. There's just something about Christmas that makes me want to send long winded letters about me and my family, with pictures taken of us smiling thru our teeth after taking numerous pictures in different poses, and Christmas cards that I only have time to write my own name on. Can you feel the warmth? Seriously tho', I don't care if I haven't seen you in years, or that I only write you this one time of year, it's just something I enjoy doing. And so every year I write these letters, include a decent picture of the family, and actually write a little message in over 30 cards that I send out to all our relatives. Man...just over a month left...I better get started.

But first I want to check my facebook!

sorry for the super lame post...I thought it would turn out better than this!

Friday, November 16, 2007

here and now

I read this on a friends blog and I like it.

Here
is bigger than you can imagine
Now
is forever


Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Oh sick

2 days down, only about 180 left to go.

I don't know if I've been having panic attacks or what. But whenever I actually think about Steve not being here, my stomache gets tight and I feel like throwing up. Supper last night was hard. Very quiet. I think we'll listen to music or something from now on. And meals themselves seem to be difficult. What do you make for a meal when there's 2 young kids and an adult that wants to cut back on what she eats? Anyway I don't want to seem like I'm complaining. I know it's just gonna take some getting used to.

Yesterday at Mom's I was talking to a friend and she asked how I was doing. I said nights are really hard 'cos I miss having that person to say "good-nite" to at the last moment before I close my eyes. Then I started to cry. Unfortunately it made me feel really pathetic and weak. Especially since this woman's husband does shift work, so there are plenty of nights when she probably goes to bed without her man as well. Then I thought, grow up Lisa and get over it. When Steve graduates he's going to be doing shift work as well and you're really going to have to get over it and quick.

Then last night I say clips from Cst. Scott's funeral and they said something like he never knew his dream job would be so short lived. And I thought, of course, no one knows they're "dream career" is going to be so short lived. Think of all those guys at depot now, training their hearts out. They're definately not thinking that it could all be over in 6 months.

Anyway, so there's my struggle. That's how I've been. Days are okay, night times are worst.

180 days and counting.

Monday, November 12, 2007

what a weekend

Well of course we woke up Thursday morning to snow. Great for the kids, not so great for driving down to Regina. We had packed most of the stuff the previous night so we could leave earlier. Of course, Keziah slept later and Steve lost his letter of call (with important information on it). By the time we actually left PA, it was 11:30 am. We were doing about 80 km/hr 'cos the roads were pretty icy as we left PA heading for Melfort. The landy can't go much faster as it starts shaking and making all kinds of scary noises. Steve went first and the kids and I followed in the van. We had our walkie talkies to communicate. It was slow movin' but otherwise good.

Then all of a sudden I see the Landy swerve. Steve regains control. Then he swerves again this time spinning around and going directly into oncoming traffic before veering off into the opposite ditch. I hold my breathe and slow the van down slightly. He regains control and drives about 500m in the ditch before attempting to come back onto the highway. He can't get back on the road, so he has to hop out and switch to 4x4, and then he easily makes it back up, returns to the right side of the road and pulls over onto the side. I jump out of the van, which is already pulled over waiting for him, and run over to him.

"I could be dead," he says. We nervously laugh, return to our vehicles and continue down the highway.

Luckily the ice didn't last long. It sooned turned to slush and by Melfort, was dry. But that doesn't mean we went much faster. After a pee break on the side of the road, Callah tells me she has to go poop. Great. We pull over again and try on the side of the road. She can't do it.

"I need a toilet," she says. Great.
"Can you hold it till we find a toilet?" I ask.
"Yes," she says.

Spalding is just ahead so we cruise down mainstreet until we come to the Spalding Cafe. Saved by the toilet.

A few hours later we are finally making some progress and are coming up the Qu'Appelle Valley hill, Landy just smoking like crazy. I'm about to buzz Steve on the wackie talkie and make a wisecrack about being an "ozone killer" when an RCMP pulls between us, lights flashing and signals Steve to pull over. My heart is once again in my throat, thinking, great...this is just what we need. When the RCMP looks my way, waves and gets back in his truck. I found out later that he was just wondering if Steve was okay being as the Landy was smoking diesel so much. Steve introduced himself, of course...in typical Steve fashion, saying that he was on his way to depot and maybe he'd see the RCMP around. They laughed, hugged and shared their treasured moments (well okay, it was more of a chuckle and wave) instantly bonding.

Anyway the long of it all, 5 hours and some after leaving PA, we arrived safely in Regina.

Ha, and that was only the first day. Without going into a novel here, Friday Steve went for his signing in, got his room assignment, dropped his stuff off, picked up his bedding and 2"thick "welcome packet", went for a "quick" 45 minute tour, and then we drove around for an hour looking for a good place to eat that didn't have a 30 min. wait eventually winding up at the first place we checked out. We finished off the evening watching American Gangster. Hats off to Denzel. Then I cried for a few hours in Steve's arms thinking about the inevitable separation in less than 48 hours.

The rest of the weekend was spent with family playing, swimming and of course, watching football. I did pretty good Sunday when I dropped Steve off. Only a few buckets o' tears were shed and then I went back to my parents and we all had a stiff drink.

The ride home was so awesome (Thank you God!!) the older two slept 3/4 of the way and I kept feeding Keziah arrowroot cookies to keep her quiet...in other words, she was good too. I'm okay so long as I don't think about the possible 6 weeks before we see him again. If I get too far ahead of myself, my chest feels like it's shrinking and my eyes automatically tear up. When we got home to a cold, empty house I felt sick to my stomache and I still kinda do. I feel a bit better tho' after talking to Steve a bit. He's doing good. A little bored (all he had were meetings all day and they're planned for tomorrow too) but excited that he was issued his plastic gun and belt today. He's in charge of the troop dress code. Which means that he gets to decide what they all have to wear...his troop will be the one in plaid! :) And he was asked to be the troop leader, which he's unsure about. If he takes it on, I know he'll do awesome.

Anyway, I still gotta work out (don't want to slack off already) and I think it's going to be a rough nite (all the kids have colds from the pool).

Despite it all, I'm glad to be home.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

don't mess with my groove

Of course what I plan on writing on has absolutely nothing to do with "groove", however at this exact moment I'm listening to a particularly groovy song and I say "don't mess with my groove" more aimed towards Keziah who is crawling towards the chair and I know it's only a matter of time before she gets stuck (with arms and head on one side and legs on the other...) and starts screaming for "super Mom" to come rescue her.

This morning at Mom's we had a stay-at-home-Dad come. Cool. Before we had kids Steve and I talked about this. We agreed that whoever had the highest paying job at the time, could continue working. The other, would stay home with the kids. "Luckily" for me I hadn't started my apprenticeship yet and so here I am today. Anyway I think it's really cool that a Dad would do that.

(oh there's the cry for help....)

It'll be different having a man around the Mom's room every once in awhile, but if you think about it, we should all be that lucky to have our husbands in on some of the stuff we talk about. I know there's times I come home and try to tell Steve even half of the stuff we talked about, and it just doesn't come across right, so this will be good. Hopefully he'll go home, after hearing us talk, and be the best Dad/wife out there after knowing our little "secrets" (our own tiffs with our own families and hubbies).

Or am I totally out there?

I hope he comes. The majority of stuff he should enjoy and find helpful. I'm not sure about the x-stitch or knitting tho'... hmmm... it'll be interesting.

Sunday, November 04, 2007

Saturday, November 03, 2007

Free

Anybody want a kid? 7 1/2 months old. Cute as a button!

However, can't promise she'll sleep at night.... or during the day. Or that she'll take a bottle easily...or eat pablum or other prepared food for that matter.

But she can crawl!!

Comes with bonus pink elephant.

(I know...I should say that I'm just kidding!)

Friday, November 02, 2007

elsewhere

My mind has been elsewhere lately. So forgive the lack of writing. The past few weeks Steve and I have been in a kind of funk. Things were said that shouldn't have been and feelings were hurt. Last Monday I asked Steve if I could go to S'toon for the day. Just me. All by myself. He agreed totally (which turned out to be a mixed blessing as the MIL came down). I took Landy. Good ol' Landy. There's something humbling about being constantly passed on the highway by semi's. Anyway, on the drive back in the dark, sipping my hot chocolate (made with chocolate milk and topped with chocolate whipped cream...yum! Way to go Broadway Roasters!!) and trying to steer this hunk of metal I thought," This is it. Steve will be gone in just over a week. Are you going to mope in your own self pity and refuse physical contact? Or are you going to get over yourself, grow up and spend the time you have left showing affection to the man of your dreams?" Of course I started bawling, never a good thing when your driving at night. Then I resolved to be the best dang wife around for the next 10 days!

Of course, when I got home to find that the MIL was staying the night ( and in fact, her car broke down so she wound up staying 2 nights!!) I did as much as I could to get out of the house anyway. Which turns out to be a bad thing 'cos everytime I left the house with the kids, she completely bit right into Steve and ripped chunks out of him concerning our "monumentally large selection" of music and movies. We're going to hell forsure! Ha!

Anyway, now with less than a week before he goes I'm thinking of the change that's a coming. How much I'm going to miss snuggling his back, getting hugs, cuddling on the couch and watching hockey and most importantly having that person to say "goodnite" to just before I drift off to sleep.

Enjoy every moment. They go by so fast.