Sunday, July 13, 2008

one of those nights

When we moved here I felt hideously ugly and disgustingly huge, especially after 2 weeks of fast food and hotel living. So I decided to start up my Learn To Run program again. Some of you may remember when I took the program for the first time last May of '07. (We have a digital camera now so I might just take that picture of myself yet!) It's been a long, very tiring, process once again. And today after completing my 30 minutes of 3 + 1's, I looked like the devil himself. My face, I don't think, has ever been redder. But I felt good! I was pretty impressed! Then of course, 10 minutes later I thought to myself...why do I do this??? And I slowly melted onto the floor.

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For some reason my internet has been acting up. I sent out an e-mail help plea to some friends from back home and I guess there was a windows update that doesn't configure with some firewall software. What???? Can someone explain this to me and how do I fix it without letting the world log onto my computer? Steve usually does all this stuff but he's a bit busy right now, so this is my new undertaking. That and figuring out how to set up our new printer. I'm sure I'll be posting for help on that one soon too.

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My in-laws were here for a few days as previously mentioned and my MIL mentioned that she doesn't listen to the news 'cos it's all hopeless. Steve brought up this story about this guy who killed a bunch of people and then himself recently. No idea what he's talking about. I don't listen to the news either. But then she went on to semi quote some scripture from Phil 4:8. and that's why she doesn't listen to the news. And as Christians we should only fill our minds with hopeful things. That got me thinking way back to my small group and I'm pretty sure we discussed something similiar way back when about thinking about the negative of the world, but not dwelling on it. Am I right? Anyone remember what we were talking about? Steve countered that isn't that what a Christian should do? See all the evil of the world AND still have and see hope.

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And finally ('cos my eyes are actually involuntarily shutting down) I was reading Dixie's blog and she's talking about loss and how to get on with life afterward. I think about this every day and sometimes twice. I picture myself just falling to me knees and wailing. Or is it keening. Or maybe I'll just be silent. Completely dumbstruck and numb. I know we could all die at any time. You could die crossing the street to the grocery store. But when suicidal snipers wait outside your workplace, your clock could be ticking a little faster. I just pray and hope that it's not.

So anyway, this is just one of those nights, where I got alot going on inside my head. I could just lay there in bed, letting it all go wild and leave me sleepless or I could vent some of it, which is what I did, not necessarily making any of it clearer, but just put it out there so that I'm not alone in my thoughts anymore.

And with that said